I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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