I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
