Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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