You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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