Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize