Please, let me fuck your mom
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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