But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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