I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
