so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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