Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
