This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
