I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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