So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize