It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This is the high leading the old right now
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
