What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
