feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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