i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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