Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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