plz talk dirty to me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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