God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
