Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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