I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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