I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
