There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
