This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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