I want to make a zoo with you.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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