I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
