my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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