Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
After tacos, we're chasing women.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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