just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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