Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize