I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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