I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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