My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize