I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
