A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
