He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
