i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I forget how to act sober
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
