why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize