You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my phone needs a breathalizer
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
