Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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