shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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