In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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