awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
