She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
