Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
