You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my being single is dangerous.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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