dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
