Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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