oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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