Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
