Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize