lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i now understand why vodka
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
