i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
