i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
