I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
