yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
