Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I want a musical about memes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
