When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
