An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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