he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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