I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
