Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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