Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
