ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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