I just saw a hot homeless man
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
