Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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