we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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