Pappa wants mamma naked
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
